On Wealth, Now That It Is Christmas

Much of traditional, that is - contemporary - myth is stuff that is all a mix up of the real past. And there's not much any of us can do about that. People become very adamant in what they choose to believe regardless of any facts. Nicholas of Myra used a personal bodyguard called I think, the Varangian Guard – who were all Norsemen. The modern myth or legend, if you will, has a lot more to it than people nowadays recall of its actual basis. And although it is the tradition that Santa Claus gives away gifts, for odd reasons, a lot of the puritanical West has a huge problem with easy or gratuitous and gifted wealth and the private holding of it, and also with the people themselves, who possess wealth.

(Modern joyous tune for avant garde Santa)

Nicholas was horrendously wealthy – and I do mean fabulously wealthy. He threw gold coins into the window of some young girls and the coins fell into their stockings – but you know this story of course as it contains just a hint of sex, enough for the story to have endured the boredom of ancient repetitions of any folklore.

Avant garde, modern Christmas sled

Oh yes, personally indeed I do believe in Santa Claus. I can report very trustworthily to you that today's Santa Claus, sometimes goes about in a brand new Rolls or Bentley Mulsanne – you know, the one with the extra large bootspace – and he has accomplices who wear black silk stockings. He loves to drink the very best vodka – Snow Queen vodka. And he has magical powers. He has gifts for all good girls and boys everywhere. And very expensive gifts for the very best of them.

Very definitely there was a Nicholas of Myra. Today he is absorbed into the global idea of Santa Claus. Not my idea of Santa Claus, mind you, but the idea held by a large number of the public.

My own idea about Santa Claus is seriously more exotic and up-to-the-minute as far as fashion and technology is concerned. And you know what, my idea is more correct too, what's more; I have no difficulty convincing little children about it, especially when I have the car driven around for them.

By the way, I believe Mandela just died more or less on the anniversary of Nicholas of Myra's death. What d'you think the tradition about him will be a thousand years from today?