Joy To The World

This Christmas is shaping like a good thing down here for a change. Nothing to do with Bernanke of course, and even less to do with the local dolts who have slid their way into the Federal government down here in Australia where the end of every year is always HOT.

Nope. Christmas is good here because I have always had a strong connection with the jolly old elf who lives in the North Pole. Now I'm sorry for all of those who can't pull strings like I have been able to all these years since I was a little kid... I saw this movie once when I was um, maybe four or five – Babes In Toyland it was called. An odd little movie, well not actually little really, it was in fact rather long as I recall now.

Ray Bolger - prototype NSA guy

Anyway, in the movie these children had stumbled upon a magical toy factory and discovered a kind of a ray gun that fired a red, as well as a green, ray. The red ray made you bigger, and the green one made you smaller.

The thing of it was, that all the excitement in the movie happened after the children made themselves very small and were able to go through a tiny door into some magical wonderland-type place or other, not that I recall its name or much of anything about it really, now. Um, maybe, Toyland I guess it was called!

What I did manage to learn from the parable was that 'you must enter through the narrow door...'

A red ray when its going fast, anyway

There are those types who tend to want to use 'the red ray...' And go through all the big doors. Take a look at for example this Kanye West fellow – he's what you call a classical sorcerer. He isn't so much a musician as a reverse chanter. I suggest that you don't try to copy him if you've a mind to do any kind of sorcery because you're liable to come to a good deal of harm, frankly. I mean to say, keep listening to his audio productions and you will soon discover that a state of clinical depression is not as organically-based a thing as some doctors care to believe.

Grren trees of Scandinavia - the larch

A huge expanded ego affects a lot of people and everyone can 'see you' and what you're doing. Going down the green ray path means however, not that many people ever get to see you and what you're doing or how you're going about doing it.

Yes I'm sure that if an elf or an NSA goblin happened to be watching me, they wouldn't learn a thing. Well, elves already know everything and the NSA is just plain too stupid to learn from my own use of the green ray.

Use the green ray and you get to play with the toys...

On Wealth, Now That It Is Christmas

Much of traditional, that is - contemporary - myth is stuff that is all a mix up of the real past. And there's not much any of us can do about that. People become very adamant in what they choose to believe regardless of any facts. Nicholas of Myra used a personal bodyguard called I think, the Varangian Guard – who were all Norsemen. The modern myth or legend, if you will, has a lot more to it than people nowadays recall of its actual basis. And although it is the tradition that Santa Claus gives away gifts, for odd reasons, a lot of the puritanical West has a huge problem with easy or gratuitous and gifted wealth and the private holding of it, and also with the people themselves, who possess wealth.

(Modern joyous tune for avant garde Santa)

Nicholas was horrendously wealthy – and I do mean fabulously wealthy. He threw gold coins into the window of some young girls and the coins fell into their stockings – but you know this story of course as it contains just a hint of sex, enough for the story to have endured the boredom of ancient repetitions of any folklore.

Avant garde, modern Christmas sled

Oh yes, personally indeed I do believe in Santa Claus. I can report very trustworthily to you that today's Santa Claus, sometimes goes about in a brand new Rolls or Bentley Mulsanne – you know, the one with the extra large bootspace – and he has accomplices who wear black silk stockings. He loves to drink the very best vodka – Snow Queen vodka. And he has magical powers. He has gifts for all good girls and boys everywhere. And very expensive gifts for the very best of them.

Very definitely there was a Nicholas of Myra. Today he is absorbed into the global idea of Santa Claus. Not my idea of Santa Claus, mind you, but the idea held by a large number of the public.

My own idea about Santa Claus is seriously more exotic and up-to-the-minute as far as fashion and technology is concerned. And you know what, my idea is more correct too, what's more; I have no difficulty convincing little children about it, especially when I have the car driven around for them.

By the way, I believe Mandela just died more or less on the anniversary of Nicholas of Myra's death. What d'you think the tradition about him will be a thousand years from today?